This is graphic, but at least it’s not about ME. That crazy, crazy phrase is something I found in Susan Faludi’s new book The Terror Dream, which I was amazed I was able to get at one of the more popular library branches in Chicago. (I saw her at Women and Children First last week.) It’s about the psychology of post-Sept. 11 America, particularly how retro gender ideology was embraced (manly, heroic men; weak women in need of rescue; feminism as trivial/irrelevant/dangerous). I think the macho war-mongering has been much-covered, but the antifeminist backlash of post-9/11 hasn’t been discussed nearly enough. Oh, the context of that quote: a scary “men’s rights” blogger wrote “The phallic symbol of America had been cut off,” [the WTC], “and at its base was a large smoldering vagina, the true symbol of the American culture, for it is the western culture that represents the feminine materialistic principle, and it is at its extreme in America.” (p. 9) Um, okay.
Anyway, if you’re tired of that old vagina, where can you get a new one? Well, back in time, on the now-canceled “Greg Behrendt Show.” Behrendt is a stand-up comedian/writer, co-author of the “revolutionary” (according to Oprah, but she has rather generous standards for “revolution”) He’s Just Not That Into You and its sequel, an appalling breakup guide. (Appalling because the mainstream idea is always that it’s weird to be friends with your exes, and I’m friends with virtually all of mine, but then these weren’t especially passionate relationships to begin with…). HJNTIY wasn’t as horrible as some made it sound but the “never ask a man out” advice was pretty retro.
So I watched the Greg Behrendt Show now and then and it wasn’t terrible. But the day the woman wanted vaginal surgery…oh boy. To clarify, although these often get mixed up in articles/on blogs/etc., there are several disturbing trends in elective genital surgery: repairing/reconstructing hymens (there’s SO much so wrong about that, but I suppose it could actually be lifesaving for women from extremely repressive cultures that care about virginity that much); “fixing” the external genitals to be more “attractive” (there’s another scary beauty standard), and the surgeries that allegedly “enhance” sexual pleasure, basically by tightening up the vagina.
My stereotype is that the latter is a surgery for affluent white women in their 30s-40s, possibly in the suburbs of L.A. or New York, who’ve had some kids and worry that they’re not “tight enough” for their men anymore, and their husbands will leave them for younger, perkier, tighter women. This is certainly the impression I’ve gotten from stories about it, and the whole thing is depressing, no matter how much the women say they like it. (Given my vulvodynia situation, I am a bit biased on this topic, but I still think I’d be disgusted.)
But that day on the Greg Behrendt Show…well, it was a thirtyish, working/middle-class African-American couple (I don’t know/care if they were married) with one kid. And the woman wanted the surgery, but the man didn’t want her to get it (or want to spend $1000s for it). She wanted it because, well, she was TWENTY-SEVEN and had ONE kid–my god, of course her body was shot to hell!
The whole thing was framed as the unreasonable, unenlightened husband (well, that’s not that unusual on daytime talk shows) who didn’t want to spend money on something his wife really wanted, who didn’t care enough about her sexual satisfaction. They both had their say, the show brought out the sexpert to talk a bit about Kegel exercises and whatnot, but then, the big prize: free “vaginal rejuvenation” from the renowned Dr. David Matlock! (This guy’s in nearly all the articles.)
Happy ending, allegedly, for them; bafflement and despair from me. I’m obviously a little fixated on it; I’ve searched the internet several times and found no discussion of this episode (I don’t know if ANY feminist blogger regularly covers TV talk shows; I know there are many more important things to cover), and weeks ago the official Behrendt show website was vaporized, and this has faded away entirely…I don’t like to seem like I’m opposed to something that improves a woman’s sex life, and since I’ve never had positive experiences of intercourse I can’t know what it’s like to lose your pleasure from it…but still, can’t I be freaked out by this? Handing out a risky, invasive surgery like it’s a trip to Hawaii or consultation with a professional organizer or new bicycle, the sorts of prizes I expect on daytime talk shows?
Almost Touching 